Nice Bombs

A little homesick today. Last night I spoke to D.,who was born here, but spent a lot of time in Sweden. As a woman she's not very happy here. She misses the freedom she had in Europe, and feels there is little here for her beyond her husband. Also, Aunt S. criticized me a bit to Usama. She had the impression that I think that I am better than her, since I don't speak often, and I haven't done any housework. I did not know what was expected of me, and frankly, I resist doing what is expected. I can't help being rebellious here. But I would be happy to help around the house if I am asked. I have no problem with that. I have no idea how to cook, and am totally out of place in the kitchen, so I'm not sure what help I might be. But I will do anything I'm asked to do. The men are never criticized for sitting around and listening quietly, and nothing is expected of them. By virtue of having a vagina, I am supposed to serve people, even when I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Don't get me wrong. At home I am the one who cleans and does laundry. But we both work hard, and so we both share in household responsibility. He cooks. I clean. And we like it that way. It is what makes us happy.

You know all those years I resisted the label of feminist? I take it back. I am a feminist. I still think that American feminists focus on all the wrong issues, but I feel so frustrated in a culture where I see such inequality in the home. I have to try really hard to just accept that Iraqi women like their role in the household, and that they don't mind dawning the costume when required. But the Westerner in me feels that they have no choice in the matter, and simply do what is expected.

I don't know. I just began to feel awkward last night. I'm a little tired of sticking a piece cloth on top of my head just because I will be "safer." Not because I am a devout Muslim and I feel that is important to do so. It's not a matter of choice here. In certain areas it is obligatory if I do not want to be harassed. As if men simply cannot be responsible for their actions. Are they really so weak?

If I come back, I'll need a sex change first.

Sigh... Sorry. I also have PMS and am venting. OPverreacting. I apologize. I feel bad when I catch myself thinking these things. Other than this, everyone is completely friendly and sweet to me, going out of their way to make me feel at home. Perhaps I'm a terrible guest. I know I have offended at least one person...

I should shut up.

Let me just say this. I love the people. I love the food. I love the architecture. I love the liveliness of the streets. It's only the strict gender roles that bother me. And not really even the gender roles. It's more the lack of flexibility. I don't mind if a woman wants to to stay at home and take care of the house and children, and if her husband is never responsible for household chores. I repect that very much. But, only if this is what both partners truly want. If it makes both the man and woman happy. This idea is a given in the US, or course. But not here.

Again, I'll shut up. Today is my bitchy day. I knew I would have one.

Okay, we need to go shopping now!!! YAY!!!

K